bar etiquette, whether you like it or not

so just so you all know, in case you were wondering, which im sure you were:

1. when a bartender tells you she doesn't have any peanuts, continuously asking for them doesn't change the fact that she REALLY doesn't have any. do you think i'm hoarding them to be a bitch? seriously, you have to ask yourself, what is in it for me to not give them to you, huh? nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. i have to hear you ask again and again for them and then whine about not having them. trust me, if i had them the first thing i would want to do is give them to you to shut you up.

2. if you are in that stage in a romantic relationship when you are oblivious to the world and obsessed with each other and cant take your hands off each other, don't sit at the bar. i'm not saying this because i'm bitter and jealous. i'm all for couples. i've had wonderful relationships and some of the best conversations with couples. all couples get a high five. woo hoo for couples. but seriously, it is really awkward when i am trapped behind the bar and you keep kissing and i am doing everything in my power to give you privacy, but you sat at my bar in front of me. so there is no where i can go. get a table, please, and save us all a lot of awkwardness and hatred.

3. FYI whiskey is both bourbon and scotch. so when i say, "would you like that with scotch" and you say, "no whiskey" we are going to go around and around forever. let's just say if you are going to be particular about a drink order you should at least know what it is you are drinking.

4. last but not least, do not hand me your credit card to start a tab with then say you dont want me to hold on to it. what would you like me to do with it? "ohh nice card. very pretty. just by looking at it i can tell you will not stiff me for the drinks you just ordered." what do you think starting a tab means? i understand that you don't want me to steal your credit card information, but i'm sorry to say, as soon as you make an actual purchase, i have access to it. it has nothing to do with me having it in my possession. if you really want to protect your identity, don't use a credit card.

i'm sick of drunk people. is it obvious?